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The story of Karen Best Wright and Stan Andresen

Stan and I were married in June 2002. I had one 16-year-old daughter still at home and 7 grown children who all lived in various parts of the country. I had been married for 22 years and divorced from my children's father for 9 years. Stan had been married for 16 years and divorced for 12 years. He had two sons, ages 28 and 16 who lived across the country.

Life looked exciting and rather simple. Stan had a degree in business and had worked for the same company for 24 years. I had gone back to college after my divorce and earned a B.S. degree in Community Health Education. I was self-employed and worked out of my home.

Stan and I had many common interests. They varied from Victorian and Colonial dancing to riding Stan's Harley-Davidson. Four months after getting married, I got a phone call. That phone call changed our lives forever. Within a few hours, we left and drove 24-hours straight through to Houston, Texas. We brought back with us 3 little girls, my granddaughters, ages 4, 2, and 2 months (The baby weighing less than 5 lbs. and on a heart monitor). After staying overnight at the hospital with the baby, to show I could take care of a premature infant, we packed up the children and within hours we were on our way home, having no idea how we were going to manage everything.

Before leaving Houston, my daughter (the children's mother) signed a notarized power of attorney authorizing us to make all needed decisions pertaining to medical and educational issues concerning the children. This was needed along with the children's birth certificates and social security cards to obtain many of the services they needed. The father was and still is incarcerated and is completely out of the picture.

The first day home, I went to social services and applied for Medicaid for the children. The baby needed to be followed by pediatric specialists as quickly as possible.  I called the schools to start the process to have the four-year-old tested for special services, and immediately called the pediatrician to schedule physicals and immunizations. I also went to the county health department to apply for WIC for the children. This provided the special formula the baby needed as well as help with milk, juice, cheese, and eggs for the other two little girls.

At first I was embarrassed to need help. I continued to be embarrassed when I used the WIC coupons, especially if the cashier didn't know how to process them properly and a line of people formed behind me. My mind was bombarded with thoughts such as, "This is so embarrassing. I should be able to feed my own grandkids." Yes, without the help they would still be fed, but the assistance was definitely helpful.

It took me 5 months before I would even apply for assistance with daycare. I kept thinking I should be able to handle everything. I felt that I wasn't doing very well at anything. I had a hard time keeping up with the house and chores, my home-based business, creating time with my teenage daughter, and having any type of normal relationship with my husband. When I started feeling overwhelmed and down on myself for not doing better, I would stop and think, "Is there anyone at all that I personally know that could do this better than I am?" I could not think of anyone. I could think of people who were more organized, more patient, healthier, and people who just seemed to have it all together. But when I stopped to actually think about how they would do if they were trying to do everything I was doing, I realized that I didn't think they would even do as well as I was. I remind myself of that often when I look at all the things I want to do and haven't figured out yet how to do them.

When we brought the children home, we did not have any extra bedrooms and we were very crowded, so the little girls slept in our bedroom. As soon as winter was over, we started the addition to our home. We had already built the children nice wooden backyard play equipment. The vacation we had planned for that summer was cancelled. After four years will finally took a cross country trip in our van. . We also take family type day trips. We have gotten two weekends away with just the two of us in the last 4 1/2  years and are looking forward to a wee bit longer, a mom and dad only, vacation this summer. My husband sold his Harley, and we purchased a mini-van, which we are enjoying immensely. He even purchased the state licensed plate that has "Kids First" on it, and then had our initials put on it for our license number. Our plan to take the children on a car trip across country two summers ago finally happened this past summer, amazing how a DVD player in the car can help a long trip be more enjoyable. This trip allowed my 83 year-old-mother and father to finally meet our little girls. What a pleasure that was. The children understand that Grandma and Grandpa are actually their great grandparents but to them, they are simply grama and grampa

I often think of my great-grandmother and great-grandfather, Josephine and Peter Best. In the early 1900's, they raised 5 young grandchildren, the youngest an infant, after the tragic death of their son and daughter-in-law. Our own personal circumstances were not caused by death but perhaps just as stressful. Josephine and Peter were older than Stan and I when they raised their grandchildren. They were very poor living in central Florida; but I imagine they responded as we did without hesitation when the need arose. This photo is of Josephine. I believe she is with Alfred, the youngest grandson that she raised.

When our own little granddaughters had been with us for eight months, my daughter finally recognized how manipulating and abusive her husband had been. She left the state of Texas and moved to a state closer to us. Finally after much frustration on all of our parts, hurt feelings, and too much money paid in legal fees, we came to a comfortable agreement. We finally finalized all the legal issues in court. We agreed that my husband, daughter, and I share joint legal custody, while my husband and I have sole physical custody. My daughter asked me if we would agree for her to share legal custody, so she didn't feel so left out. Because I believed that we would not have any problems agreeing on day to day issues of raising the children, I had no problem with this. Had I thought we would be fighting over how to raise the girls, we would not have agreed. For us, this was a good decision. For someone else, that might be the worst decision they could make.

We also have a very liberal visitation arrangement. I believe that children cannot be loved by too many people. My daughter is welcome to visit whenever she can. She usually sees the girls one week-end sometimes two a month. She shares the room with the oldest child when she visits. We give the children love, stability and security, while we hope she can still share her love with them and be part of their lives.

Even with as much love that we feel for and from these little girls, it is still very difficult. I still work from my home and enjoy the benefits and the many challenges that come with it. We sold our home and moved out into the country on a small mini farm. The youngest child, now 4, goes to school with her sisters through a county school 4-year-old program. This allows me to participate in church and community volunteer projects,  and still work my home-based business. I feel very fortunate that I have a way to maintain, albeit a reduced, source of income while caring for the children. I now can actually go by myself to get a hair cut.

We have no certain idea how long we will be raising these little girls, but we hope and expect it will be for the duration. They have been with us for over 4 years now. As stressful as times may still be, the alternative is not something I can accept. Fortunately, Stan feels the same way.

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