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My story by Karen
Best Wright
Quick update: We raised my granddaughters for almost 7
years before they went back to live with their mother. Below
is the story that was written before they returned to their
mother and before my husband and I separated. How am I doing?
The children leaving broke my heart, and I long for
them everyday. But the communication between us is
blooming and heartfelt. I love hearing their voices, and
I look forward to each visit with them. A foundation of love was laid that can never
be undone. I know from experiences of having raised
my own eight children, that no matter how bad things may seem,
things do get better, even when the truth seems elusive.
Before things change: I was married in June 2002. I
had one 16-year-old daughter still at home and seven grown
children who lived in various parts of the country. I had
been married for 22 years and divorced from my children's
father for 9 years. The man I married had been divorced for 12 years
after a 16 year marriage. Life
looked exciting and rather simple.
I had gone back to college after my first
divorce and earned a B.S. degree in Community Health
Education. I was self-employed and worked out of my home.
In my new marriage, we had many common
interests. They varied from Victorian and Colonial dancing
to riding his Harley. Four months after getting
married, I got a phone call. That phone call changed our
lives tremendously. Within a few hours, we left and drove
24-hours straight through to Texas. We brought back with us
3 little girls, my granddaughters, ages 4, 2, and 2 months
(The baby weighing less than 5 lbs. and on a heart monitor).
After staying overnight at the hospital with the baby, to
show I could take care of a premature infant, we packed up
the children and within hours we were on our way home,
having no idea how we were going to manage everything.
Before leaving
Texas, my daughter (the children's mother) signed a
notarized power of attorney authorizing us to make all
needed decisions pertaining to medical and educational
issues concerning the children. This was needed along with
the children's birth certificates and social security cards
to obtain many of the services they needed. The father was
and still is incarcerated and is completely out of the
picture.
The first day home,
I went to social services and applied for Medicaid for the
children. The baby needed to be followed by pediatric
specialists as quickly as possible. I called the schools to
start the process to have the four-year-old tested for
special services, and immediately called the pediatrician to
schedule physicals and immunizations. I also went to the
county health department to apply for WIC for the children.
WIC is a program for women, infant, and children that
provides certain foods for pregnant women and children. The
WIC coupons provided the special formula the baby needed as well as
help with milk, juice, cheese, and eggs for the other two
little girls.
At first I was
embarrassed to need help. I was embarrassed to use
the WIC coupons, especially if the cashier didn't know how
to process them properly and a line of people formed behind
me. My mind was bombarded with thoughts such as, "This is so
embarrassing. I should be able to feed my own grandkids."
Yes, without the help they would still have been fed, but the
assistance was definitely helpful. The WIC program is only
available for children age 5 and under.
It took me 5 months
before I would even apply for assistance with daycare. I
kept thinking I should be able to handle everything. I felt
that I wasn't doing very well at anything. I had a hard time
keeping up with the house and chores, my home-based
business, creating time with my teenage daughter, and having
any type of normal relationship with my husband. When I
started feeling overwhelmed and down on myself for not doing
better, I would stop and think, "Is there anyone at all that
I personally know that could do this better than I am? I
could not think of anyone. I could think of people who were
more organized, more patient, healthier, and people who just
seemed to have it all together. But when I stopped to
actually think about how they would do if they were trying
to do everything I was doing, I realized that I didn't think
they would even do as well as I was. I remind myself of that
often when I look at all the things I want to do and haven't
figured out yet how to do them.
When we brought the
children home, we did not have any extra bedrooms and we
were very crowded, so the little girls slept in our bedroom
and we slept on the hide-a-bed in the living room. Within a
few months, we started an addition to our home and
eventually moved into a larger home with plenty of room. My
husband sold his Harley, and we purchased a mini-van, which
we are enjoying immensely.
 I
often think of my great-grandmother and great-grandfather,
Josephine and Peter Best. In the early 1900's, they raised 5
young grandchildren, the youngest an infant, after the
tragic death of their son and daughter-in-law. Our own
personal circumstances were not caused by death but perhaps
just as stressful. Josephine and Peter were older than Stan
and I when they raised their grandchildren (I think). They were very
poor living in central Florida; but I imagine they responded
as we did without hesitation when the need arose.
When our own little
granddaughters had been with us for eight months, my
daughter finally recognized how manipulating and abusive her
husband had been. She left the state of Texas and moved to a
state closer to us. Finally after much frustration on all of
our parts, hurt feelings, and too much money paid in legal
fees, we came to an agreement. We finalized all the legal
issues in court. We agreed that my husband, daughter, and I
share joint legal custody, while my husband and I have sole
physical custody.
We give the children
love, stability, and security, while she remains an
important part of their lives.
Even with as much
love that we feel for and from these little girls, it is
still very difficult at times. I still work from my home and
enjoy the benefits and the many challenges that come with
it.
The children have
been with us for over 6 years now. The oldest child is now
being raised by her mother, while we are continuing to raise
and parent the two youngest grandchildren. Many things have changed
over the years but many things are still the same.
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